


A Secret Discussion

by LeastExpected_Archivist



Series: Vignettes of the Ring [2]
Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-04
Updated: 2002-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:00:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26319097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeastExpected_Archivist/pseuds/LeastExpected_Archivist
Summary: By MJ.In which Our Hero proves somewhat recalcitrant.
Series: Vignettes of the Ring [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1912345
Kudos: 1
Collections: Least Expected





	A Secret Discussion

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Amy Fortuna, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Least Expected](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Least_Expected), which has been offline since 2002. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Least Expected collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/leastexpected/profile).

"So, I say to you, Frodo Baggins, you must take this ring..." 

"No way. Uh uh. Bugger that." 

"You must! It is written in the stars..." 

"Maybe _your_ stars. _My_ stars say dinner, some beer and bed." 

"I say to you that the Eldest have seen what must pass before peace comes again. And this ring..." 

"Cold chicken." 

"What?" 

"Cold chicken. And pickles. Maybe some braised mushrooms. A little egg salad. I seem to remember some raspberry tart..." 

"Confound it! Do you wish to see the entire Shire and all of its silly inhabitants skewered and toasted like so much day-old bread?" 

"Is it true what they say about wizards?" 

"...?... What?" 

"That their brains pucker? Give or take a thousand years?" 

"...!..." 

"Just wondering." 

"What you need, my dear Mr. Baggins, is a proper swat..." 

"Sorry. Too busy. No time. Dinner's waiting. Sorry you couldn't stay..." 

**"FRODO BAGGINS!"**

"Oops..." 

"You will take this ring and carry it to Mount Doom and thereby save not only Middle Earth, but your own idiotic hide!" 

"But I don't wanna go..." 

"Tough." 

"But why does it have to be me? What about a nice, thick dwarf..." 

"Do you question my perspicacity?" 

"Well, no, but... I've never seen you anywhere _near_ a woman..." 

"Shut up. And go." 

"Make me." 

"All right." 

Kablammm! 

_cough_ "Dawn. I'll leave at dawn..." 

_snort_ "Damn right you will." 

tbc


End file.
